Stepped up

So, I got on that scale and I weigh 208 pounds. Not as bad as I thought it would be, but it's still not great. And yesterday I gorged on pasta with way too much Parmesan cheese and I'm feeling a little ill. But I'm off to the yarn store to buy wool for a blanket I'm knitting for somebody, so that is going to be a great way to keep my hands busy, so I don't keep reaching for those Doritos.

My BF, MM, is away for the weekend, so I've got the house to myself. Which is a great thing but also not a good thing, because now I have no one to hide my binging from. It's hard. But I'm also going to go grocery shopping today, so if I try to be good when I'm at the store, then I'll have nothing to binge on all weekend long.

Of course I'm going to miss him, but there's a part of me that's glad he's gone, since now I have don't have to be at all secretive. I hate that there's a part of me that i hid from him. I've told him about my food issues and how I have trouble with my eating. He tells me I'm beautiful and sexy and he loves and me and I should relax and then my eating habits will too. He just doesn't seem to get how all consuming this is and I can't explain it to him either. He loves me, but he doesn't understand this part of me. So, instead, when he's not around, I secretly mow my way through a big bag of chips and hope he doesn't comment when he sees the empty bag in the garbage...

But, today I'm busy as I am tomorrow all day, so Sunday is going to be my only real danger day. I'm thinking I'm going to be doing a lot of knitting that day...